What is it about the big tag of divorce that makes people cringe in India?

Why does the tag divorce make people cringe at all?

There is a pretty huge amount of fear, prejudice and repugnance people seem to look at divorced people. Kyon bhai?

It is very easy to see from the face of someone when you tell them you are divorced and the eyes of the mind give that suspicious look, looking from the corners and whispering something to the other person.

“passst…divorced hunh! Kuch to kiya hoga ki shaadi nahi chali, kuch to kharabi hogi isme..”

I recently encountered 2 friends in a coffee shop. The plan was to have fun. Remember word – WAS.

Here’s how the conversation spiralled down.

• F1 – “ So what is the update on the divorce”
• F2 – “Paperwork has begun. I have no intentions on going back.”
• F1 – “ I see. How are you going to survive alone?”
• F2 – “ Hunh?”
• F3 (basically me) – “HUNHHHHHH??????? (but in my mind only)

F1 decided to continue the oblivious verbal incursions.

“You know there is this guy I know, he is really amazing. He is very settled and is so-and-so age and lives alone with his mother, sister outside settled….why don’t you meet him?” “Oh, also he is also divorced.”

What the fffff……..did that just happen??

I looked at F1 and said, “Why the deliberate insinuation on the also divorced part?”

F2 – “Well no particular reason but…you know…he is also divorced, she is too..”

F1 was just sitting with a grim expression on her face like a snake just crawled up her spine. I could see the changing colors of assault, disgust and disbelief invading her mind with the force of a drunk bull.

I held her hand under the table, my body language urging her to hold her horses and to just sit through this.

I asked F1, “Why did you suggest only a divorced guy for her? Why not a non-divorced guy?

You got so many friends you know, and most of them are her age.

You think because she is divorced you are placing her in a box where she is not advised to look out?! What the hell is wrong with you?”

F1 belligerently responded, “Look, I didn’t mean to offend anyone here but this is how it’s normally accepted out here in the society where we live.

Let’s be practical. What unmarried or non divorced guy would like to date a divorced girl. If I was divorced I would look out for divorced guys!”

WHAT??? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??

My blood was shooting all over my face by now!

This is actually coming from someone who is educated, works in MNC’s has traveled across the world and interacts with people from across the globe!!

Forget the divorced people, where the fuck are you from woman? What planet of snobbery, insolence and insensitivity are you from??

I sound like I am hearing this for the first time, I know

The fact is, it didn’t bother me that I heard her talk all this bafoonery.

What bothered me, was that this was a friend who knew my other friend for the longest time.

She knew her from her ups and downs. She knew how she thinks, she knew literally all the deep thoughts that surrounded her, plagued her, lived with her, made her happy….everything!

Coming from a place like that, how swiftly the social conditioning slithered so silently like a snake and replaced all sense of logic, love, sensitivity and empathy.

Was she being insensitive? Was her intention genuine?

Does putting people in boxes come naturally to human beings?

Do you really think that sitting on the other side of the table, life will not turn your table around and put you in the place that you were previously patronizing?

Oh my love…

 

— Image credit: Arun Sengupta’s Site