Hello there, dude. It’s me, the woman you slept with last night — the woman you sleep with each night. Or, perhaps, the woman you want to sleep with.

I’m writing to tell you something important, something that increases your chance of getting laid by any woman with half a head of brains.

Give oral sex. Just so you know, oral sex is one of the best ways to make a woman climax!

We don’t care if you don’t like it. We don’t care if it’s intimidating or you’re not sure what a clitoris is or how to find it.

We don’t care if you’re waiting to fall in love. Your excuses are shitty. You want us to service you, yet when it comes time to return the favor you’re one stingy little b*tch?

The excuses for not going down are wide-ranging. The ones I’ve heard personally include: ‘It hurts my neck’, ‘you take too long to come’, ‘I don’t know how’, and, of course, the classic ‘can’t we just have sex? We’ve had enough.

If the vagina is that scary to you, be honest with us. Ask us for directions (oh god, I know! How awful!)

If you’re afraid you won’t please us, tell us. Trying and failing is better than turning us down all together. We’d rather give you a tutorial than end up feeling rejected.

By avoiding going down on your woman you’re telling her: I reject you. I reject your vagina. I don’t think you deserve pleasure. I don’t think you’re worth the effort. Or, even worse, I don’t like the way your vagina looks. EEK!

When you go down on your partner, you’re showing him or her your love. It is a physical manifestation of love. It is a sexual love letter. This means you’re allowing yourself to be completely naked — literally and emotionally — with your partner. Whether you’re on the receiving or giving end of oral sex, you’re truly putting yourself out there and in the hands of your sexual partner.

You’re saying, “JUDGE ME. HERE I AM.”

For one, blowjobs are work. They are not some frivolous, mindless act; they require concentration, skill and patience.

In the immortal words of Samantha Jones, “Honey, they don’t call it a JOB for nothing.”

It’s a nerve-wracking position to be in. It can be very intimidating if you don’t trust the other person. Really good oral sex happens when there is authentic faith between the two people involved.

To all the men, maybe it’s time to change these statistics? Going down on a woman ain’t making you any less of a man!

Sex is a joint venture; it’s an experience between two and both people deserve to exit this adventure with a smile on their faces. Can men now start going down on women more often? Because, hey, it is totally fabulous!

So, if you want to ride the roller coaster, little boy, you better be prepared to pay for your ticket.

Signed,

— The Women of the World and Our Vaginas.