It feels awkward to explain a sexual encounter which looks like a miniature version of a desi adult film.

So it goes like this - its 11 a.m. a pleasant Sunday afternoon, for my friend, let’s say his name is The Man who didn’t pick up the Call.

So I am in my home, my girl’s parents have gotten out of town and that is one of those moments when your girl texts you and goes like, ”Hey, their is nobody in my home for the whole day.”

And you are like, “wow, its proxy hitting, xvideos.com time.

Then you get all your facts right and realize, Holy mother of God, did she just call me home?

What are we going to do? Did she really mean it? Is this a dream? Well I haven’t touched her in a while. Maybe she wants it or maybe not. There is only one way to find out.

So the collar opened up, tires scratching the asphalt and Seinheisser screaming out “Ayo technology” as I roll up my sleeves and took a rickshaw ride down the narrow streets of sexual desires to witness the ultimate moment of losing my virginity.

So I reached her home, the aroma of her vicious desires making an overwhelming move on the fabric of my boys down under.

The whole episode is looking like the first 3 minutes of a soft porn film which as always is skipped, the passion that is building up, the hairs that are rising all over the skin as she takes you to her room.

Finally the moment comes when she takes your hand and breaks away the doubts that are creeping up your mind.

As we all know there is a fine line between forcing her and loving her.

So all these thoughts and moves takes us to the conclusion that we are waiting for and that’s when the tragedy begins, like a very successful movie, having good and bad moments.

Good in the start, then some tension and then some brilliant tragedy, which only entertains the viewers by the way and not the ones who are enacting it, specifically when a lot of pain is involved.

If you have read up till now with utmost involvement you would have guessed the obvious, I FORGOT TO BUY THE CONDOMS,duhhh…!

And there was no way, no damn way that I could have got it in the middle of the deed by going out and breaking the locks of the chemist which is closed by the way, Sunday? Remember?

The awkwardness which initially aroused me, now changed to embarrassment and there is no way I am risking it by doing it without protection.

I mean I love her, even if I don’t I will never even think of it.

I go up in the bathroom and call up the very same friend who is the antagonist in the story along with the Sundays and the overwhelming desire to have sex for the first time.

As I remembered the last chat I had with him, I knew he had some, but HE DIDNT PICK UP THE PHONE CALL.

No one to help this poor man who is standing on a cliff with one end as ,” I have to end up having dry sex (of which I have no idea) “ and the other as “ What would she do if I tell her the truth?”

But as good an angel she is, she also had a wild side which made her say these words in the middle of The Great Tragedy,” I don’t want the latex to touch my skin”

OH DEAR GOD.

Now, was there any point in asking her why? Well No. But as good an angel I am myself, I did the formality of asking her,” and my sweetheart why do you wanna do this THAT WAY?”

“ Don’t you ? ” she said. Underline this one.

So pretending to be a pro and making myself confident of my sexual prowess I continued my way into the tunnel of unexpected events.

And the one thing and only thing that I experienced was not and seriously not the pleasure, it was the pain of the banana peel folding up as the fruit itself had to slide through the unlubricated space which wants to squeeze you as hard as it can.

But little I knew that the tragedy had to go down some pretty rough roads, literally.

Her parents called her back early and asked her to be at home as their plans had changed.

Well, that is sad as after all the pain that you went through, your lady is about to ask you in the most polite manner, “It’s time to get lost now.”

And the little time she gives you to carry yourself out asap is enough only to get on your pants and other essentials to prevent any mockery down the streets.

So believing that everything’s gonna be alright you help yourself out of your girl’s parents home (you know what I mean), call for a rickshaw who drive you down the most undefended roads of your town back to your castle with a fierce battle going on between the delicate banana skin and harsh surface of denim.

The more the damps on the road the painful the battle for survival and finally your friend calls you back after hours of ignorance and asks the all time clichéd question ,”Bhai kya hua? (What happened my Bro”?) and you just make your screams heard to the only person who will someday know about “The Ultimate Battle of Banana Skin.”

 

Image credit: The Daddy Files