Let me try to give this a funny twist.
The deadliest moment of going to be divorced is the not knowing of the relatives that the event is occurring.
Why would they not know? Well, simply because they are nosey fuckers and I didn’t want to tell them.
The uncomfortable feeling takes over with questions about “zee haaazband.”
This happened at a recent wedding to me. Here is how the conversation went –
Relative Vs Me
Relative : “Aur beta, aapke miyan jee kahi nazar nahi aa rahe, kabhi dikhte hi nahi hai, aap hamesha akele hi dikhte ho.”
Firstly, blanket of instant regret of coming here.
Secondly, can I throw you back to the little hole in the wall you came from?
Obviously you are under some sort of delusion that I will feed you the gossip on which your blood runs on you cow.
Fuck NO.
Me : (With a fake conclusive smile) “Vo kaam me busy rehte hain.” 🙂
Relative : “Arre rishtedaaron se to milna chahiye na, itna bhi kaun busy hota hai heh heh heh? Rishtedaari bhi toh nibhani padti hai na!”
This is a woman who didn’t turn up at the wedding herself.
This cow is taunting me about rishtedaari.
She is so very curious to know where the husband has been all this while. I mean what the actual hell??
While she continued to ramble I knew it was time to make a swift exit when she started enquiring about when we intended to have a baby.
Yes. Sure I will tell this gasbag when my husband (even if hypothetically) and I decide to shaboink along with time and date.
She will count the number of months after that simply because the old bat doesn’t have anything better to do in her life.
With some excuse I politely made my way out of that scene and huddled behind some people. The thing about relatives is …actually the thing about people in general is that, no one is actually bothered about anyone in their extended family.
It is actually the hushed tones and the corner of the eye looks that are actually mind fucking.
Some relatives come around and actually ask questions on face, just to throw a pebble and see your reaction, and then they run away with their tails between their asses.
Leaves me feeling weird. Leaves me feeling awkward. Leaves me with questions. They are still unanswered.
