Going out with guy friends has generally never been an issue with me or the family.
I studied in a co-ed school, went to co-ed college, had friends coming and going out the house, my parents mostly knew all of my guy friends.
In such a setting it is a normal affair, nothing to even think about twice…until you get married…until you split.
It is the first reaction of people – “achaaa iske saath ghoom rahi hai, iski wajeh se split hua hoga.”
The first ignoramus thing that people around you do when they see you with another dude is to decide that you are characterless and pretty much a whore.
There I said it. Sue me.
This is what was bothering me a while back. I had all these doubts and apprehensions flooding into my head.
What will they think of me? What is she doing with another guy?
Will the people I know gossip about me? It was absolutely crazy for a while.
My friends would ask me to come out of the house, and I would just say no.
This was until I opened up about to it to my guy friends. They gave me a lot of strength and talking up to get me to a point when I at least came around to saying yes to get out again.
Are you fucking mad? You will stay indoors your whole life? You will never meet us or any other guy kya?
“Log aakar zaroor kuch bakwaas karenge, matlab ki koi saala patthar aa kar marega aur tum bhag lo gi? Sadak pe chalte hue kisi ki bhi sunogi?
What the hell do they know what you are going through? Move on with your life man. What the hell is wrong with you???
Made sense.
Even though I would go out with them there would still be a tense feeling at the back of my neck.
This happened a couple of times. The malignant moment came very recently when I was at a pub with a friend of mine (obviously a guy in this context).
Some mutual friends were playing in the pub, some were their friends who I knew as well because we all hung out at some point of time or another.
They all saw me walk in. At first they just looked at me and the usual pleasantries were exchanged.
Then they saw this guy standing with me. It was a very – O… this is someone – you are with him – he is with you…you are together – ooohk – …moment. I began to explain. “Meet my friend and colleague, we work together” etc etc bla bla something something…
I was mumbling.
The inevitable feelings of guilt rushed through my blood. I withdrew for a few moments before recovering from the mind fuck.
It is not a switch on and an off button that one day suddenly I will stop feeling the transition.
My very sharp and thoughtful friend sensed the reason of my mindless mumblings.
He looked at me straight in the eye and said, “Relax. This moment had to come someday.
They would find out eventually right? You are not doing anything wrong; just out with a friend who is a guy.
Why do you bother what they are thinking? Whether I would been your boyfriend or a friend doesn’t make a difference. They would still think what feeds their gossiping mind.
Stop explaining to people. It is time to focus on yourself now. Live a little. The most important people in your life already know your truth. ”
Made sense.
It is a slow recovery. I know for those of you getting divorced or recovering from one, this phase is mind fucking. Just relax your jeebees. This one will take time.
We have to be compassionate towards our own selves first. It’s alright to freak out because it is a natural healing process.
I’m still in repair. It will take time…
— Image credit: Public Radio International
