I love my man a lot but he cums too early yaar!

Thus, on our next anniversary instead of gifting him lovey-dovey stuff, I decided to gift him a box full of sex toys.

Whatttt??? I know it sounds weird but it won’t once you will get to know why?

It is because sex toys are the best way to become a much better lover. Toys can also help men learn to delay orgasm and remain hard after orgasm (It’s like dream come true for all the Women).

I am telling you ladies, it works!! *Divya auntie’s prescription*

It actually helps to convert the casual humping into ‘the fuck of the century’. I bet Nick Curran in Basic Instinct had collection of these toys too.

There’s something so ironical about sex. The more you have it, the more you want it.

Yet, the more you have it, the more quickly you get bored of it.

Variety is the spice of life and when it comes to bedrooms (or bathrooms, boardrooms or backyards, for that matter), it’s this exact same spice that’s forever missing!

But we Indians have this small yet very huge problem- “Hum Sharmaate Bahot hain”, be it at the time of buying condom or our first night after the marriage.

No wonder Sarahah is trending in our country. Because every dirty fantasy that we ever had for a person finally found a way to reach him/her. Afterall, Sharmile hain hum!!

We worship Kama and Rati but don’t talk about sex. But sex is still fine (after marriage).

You know what’s worse than sex? Masturbation.

As now with technology taking up everything, the kheere and muli have been replaced by the vibrators. But now as we are sharmile+ jugaadu, so women in our country came up with the classic idea of treating Nokia 3100 as a vibrator.

Because what to do man, we are horny as fuck but our laws don’t allow us to buy any sex toys.

Yes, you read it right. In the land of the Kamasutra, with temples like those in Khajuraho, and a billion-strong population (which is growing by the minute), it is illegal to buy sex toys.

That’s a paradox if there ever was one. Our lawmakers have ensured that getting inventive in bed is a pleasure that comes with a penalty — two to five years of jail.

But as is often seen in India, we learn to meander our ways around legislations we don’t like, a fact substantiated by our currently thriving Rs 500-crore sex-toy industry.

So if it’s not the law, what is it that stops women from walking into fairly popular underground markets to pick up their weapon of choice?

I don’t think shyness could be the only reason. Awareness is the major issue because half of the women in our country are like- “hume pata hi nhi tha”. Well then, pata karo behno.

They say try everything once, and if you like it try it again - this time I am talking about browsing through adult web-stores.

If you are looking for something to satisfy your dry spell, or want to spice up a relationship which has hit rock boredom, or are plain tired of faking it, there are sex toys that can heat up the affair.

In these corners of the inter-web you can find sex toys and adult accessories ranging from fetish-friendly to high-end to delightfully-dark to safely-obsessive in plenty and waiting to be explored.

I myself mapped out Sarojini market for buying the kinkiest items in the shopping list.

There I found stores where I had to push my way through mounds of clothing, reach the inner confines, and had to sweet-talk the shop owner into showing me the ‘real’ stuff.

Fur-lined handcuffs, leopard-print hunters and edible underwear — the market is all about the peripheral items, As the attendant busies himself showing me the latest ‘masala maal‘ (spicy stuff) in DVDs, I gently broached the subject of sex toys. “Ummm… would you also have some adult toys?” I asked.

He stopped, turned around and gaped for about 10 seconds, a smirk slowly spread across his face. And as easily as that, I was in business.

While he sifted through his goods to show me the new stuff, I tried to get him talking.

Feigning embarrassment, I asked, “Do you get lots of customers for these things?”

“Arre madam, sahab log bahut aate hai (Madam, lots of men come),” he replied in a revealing, know-it-all tone. “And women?” “They too come, but less.”

His answer surprised me, as sex toys are as popular among women, as men in India.

He started with a bag full of vibrators, and then began a memorable monologue. “Madam, superb quality. Naya maal hai with chemical coating…for extra excite. Ladies log ke liye superb. But this is manual, no vibration… should I show you how to use?”

Wham! I wanted to punch ‘the excite’ out of this guy! But I settled for a change in subject.

After one more shopping blunder I got a glimpse of our haww and chii duniya. This world still needs to be explored at a large scale specially in India.

So, move your asses people. This time gift your partner this khilona and Make sure that your act of sex still feels like ‘love making’. Happy humping!