Faking love is not just your thing ladies!
You may have been perfecting your own “dude, wrap it up” fake orgasm since college, but dudes are working on their most convincing performances as well.
Wanting to do some research of my own, I did what I always do in these situations: grilled my boyfriend.
After pinning him on the bed and gyrating my hips around while singing Salt-N-Pepa songs (what, that’s not what you do on a workday afternoon?), I blurted, “Have you ever faked an orgasm?”
Accustomed to my non sequiturs, he told me that yeah, he had — but not with me.
I asked him how and he said, “It’s not that fucking hard, is it? I’ve put my scrunched-up, communing-with-the-universe, pleasure-stoked little O-face on when in fact I was feeling nothing.
I have closed my eyes and groaned like a wildebeest.
I’ve even thrown in a few twitchy little shakes at the end like there’s a loose live wire opping around inside me. I’m not much of an actor, but it’s not a tough thing to pull off.
He - How, exactly do I make it possible you may be wondering?
My curious-insecure- brain started mumbling to itself that why is he taking so much interest in explaining me that? Does he do that with me too? *Ahh, poor little brain of a woman*
Me-(Trying to concentrate) yeah please, let me know your trick.
He - Well honey, Let me put it this way: Orgasms aren’t hard to fake; ejaculations are. Just use a condom, which I and nine out of ten dentists recommend, and you can easily obscure the lack of evidence.
It’s more like-Excuse me, miss, let me just run to the bathroom and get rid of this unsightly rubber that may or may not contain my semen.
Fuck the research!
My man fakes sometimes and I don’t know why it is so hard to digest?
Although we women fake it proudly. May be we are jealous of the fact that- faking was the one art that we mastered ourselves and now these men know the tricks too.
“Aren’t those with a penis supposed to constantly look for places to put it in? What else can a man have on his mind apart from sex?”
Turns out, quite a lot of things.
He could be worried about a meeting at work, the health of his parents, an impending loan installment or the next India vs Pakistan match.
If he’s had a killer workout or a long a long day at work, he may just not be up to it.
A touch of a woman may get his penis excited but that’s totally against his will.
He may just want to lie on a couch and watch an Arsenal match but because his woman has decided to indulge in foreplay, he will have to stand up!
“Accidental or forced boners aside, an orgasm, however is also a mind thing. And if the man is not in the mood, he is not going to climax”
But here’s the problem: Men aren’t supposed to be the fakers.
The idea, widely disseminated and accepted, is that men are the ones generally trying to prolong the time it takes to ejaculate, not shorten it.
Which brings us to the most basic problem with sex—the entire act is built around the dude’s orgasm.
If a woman doesn’t come, the man’s no good in bed. If a man doesn’t come, it hardly seems like sex was had at all, which, when you think about it, is pretty unfair to both genders.
Women, bless them, feel like they have to bring men to the nish line. And men are expected to come at the drop of a hat.
Literally any hat. Put boobs on a hat. Bam. Whoo!
But perhaps this evidence of male dissatisfaction means that guys will be more sympathetic to their slow-to-climax sexual partners, and that we can all have a more open conversation about finding bedroom bliss.
