This is the erotic story he, let’s call him Sebastian, whispered in my ear as he brought me to five consecutive orgasms a few nights ago.

My sex life wasn’t always this great though. As a matter of fact, my first time with Sebastian was nothing short of awkward.

The reason I am now able to have great behind-closed-doors experiences is none other than honest COMMUNICATION.

Sebastian was the second person I met up with after my 5-year relationship ended. I met him the day I came back from a trip to Las Vegas.

That night, I was in the mood to prolong the craziness of the weekend.

After meeting him at a restaurant for late night snack and drinks, we went back to my place.

I gave him a sensual pole dance and we proceeded to do what we both wanted to do hours ago.

Wanting to spice things up, he asked me if I had a sex toy.

He caught me off guard. Not having the level of courage to expose myself, I lied and said I didn’t.

The truth was I had a vibrating dildo in my drawer. I had ordered it few weeks after my last relationship ended as a replacement for my ex-boyfriend.

From then on, the night became a downhill slide of increasing self-consciousness.

I had trouble opening up to all of his subsequent questions about what I’d like to do. Because of my inability to talk about sex, that night did not live up to our expectations.

Despite the importance of communication, for a long time, talking about sex terrified me.

I found sex intimidating to discuss because it takes trust to talk about it.

Telling our partner about our fantasies, about our deepest, most intimate desires takes away our shield and exposes us to the other person.

Because of this vulnerability, it feels safer to avoid talking about it rather than facing the potential risk and embarrassment of being judged.

Simply being in a long-term relationship does not alleviate that fear.

In fact, in my last relationship, I found it even scarier to talk about it because there was more to lose if the conversation was not well-received.

Unfortunately, without communication, there is no constructive feedback.

Without feedback, there is no improvement.

Thus, despite all my years of practice, I had not gotten any better.

Fortunately Sebastian and I clicked on other dimensions and decided to keep seeing each other.

His effortless ability to vocalize his thoughts made up for my lack of confidence to vocalize mine.

He encourages me to speak up before, during, and after the act to make sure I am having a good time.

It was scary to open myself up at first. I often stumbled and felt self-conscious.

However, every time we tried to have conversations about sex, he gave me nothing but patience.

He never once derided my lack of confidence when I struggled to articulate my thoughts.

He never once rushed me for an answer when I couldn’t bring myself to speak up.

All he did was keep holding me and telling me that it’s okay, that he won’t judge, and that he wants to know these things so he can learn how to better please me.

I was touched by his patience and sincerity. I gradually built the courage to tear down my wall of insecurity.

One day, a little over two months from our first date, as we were laying in bed, he wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight, and asked me in the most sincere tone what my fantasies were.

I have recurring fantasies about having a devil’s threesome, of being pleasured simultaneously by multiple men.

This is a fantasy I have never had the courage to reveal in my past relationships. I never revealed it because of the fear of damaging my relationship.

With him however, I felt safe. Over the course of two months, he has created an environment which gave me the courage to be vulnerable with him.

So I told him about my threesome fantasy, and I also finally told him about the lie I said during our first date.

The next day I brought my vibrator to his place and we played out the aforementioned fantasy. Sex has gotten better since our first encounter because we are now able to talk about it without inhibition.

Additionally, because it is an act between two people (or more if that’s what you’re into), it also takes teamwork. It should not be surprising then that the quality most important to a good team, communication, is also crucial to good sex.

So let’s talk about sex.

Let’s listen to our partner with understanding.

Let’s hear their fantasies and desires without judgment. Let’s create an environment which encourages open communication.

Every time we talk with our partner in a positive and supportive manner, we gain the ability to do so more effortlessly the next time.

As for me, what started off as innocent role play with intriguing story telling and a toy might just turn into something much more tangible.

Everything we are doing now and everything we shall try in the future are all possible because of the honest communication we are able to have in the respectful environment we have created together.