“Men would like to marry virgins.
“Good girls don’t sleep around or have sex before marriage.”
“She should be pure like a Goddess.”
Some more bullshit like that, which is engraved in the minds of Indian women, packaged with the bomb of guilt if tampered with.
People, this is serious.
There are still dumb fucks out there with a delusion that the woman should be a virgin in 2017
I have been hearing of so many accounts from people recently about their women friends not having experienced physical intimacy at all or they have experienced very little.
It is a little concerning to know that they, being well into their late twenty’s and even in their early thirty’s, are totally inexperienced.
So, either you will judge me and tell me – hey, good girls don’t have sex before marriage or you may say something like good girls don’t get physical with guys, or; you will be downright concerned with me.
Before anything else, you’ve got to know that, number one, it is easy to find a sexual partner.
You may find one, who stays with you eventually for a lifetime or you may find many (in which case I will only advise you to have safe sex).
Secondly, sexual triggers are easily available on the internet and that exposure leads to not just gaining knowledge on the act of having sex but even helps spice up things with your partner.
Now comes the tricky side of this exposure – which is expectations of satisfaction.
By some freak chance, if you do happen to find someone who is equally inexperienced as you, the journey of sexual discovery of yourself and your partner can be both rewarding and put you both on the same page.
The problem comes, when one is more experienced than the other, especially in the marriage scenario in India.
This is what I am afraid of girls!
This is why it deeply concerns me that you are not sexually experienced enough.
No matter how much we Indians might want hold on to the umbilical cord of tradition and culture, we just cannot ignore the fact that physical intimacy is a huge part of a relationship!
Do you mean to say you will pretend like this is not an issue?!
Ladies, let me give it to you straight.
If the guy turns out to be a real asshole, this issue will have the potency to break a relationship, even a marriage.
That is because the partner is not sexually satisfied on the account of the other not being experienced enough.
This may lead to cheating, deception or divorces or just lifelong unhappy marriages!
It is difficult for me to pin point on a single reason why a lady well into her late twenties or thirties who is educated, earning well and has an active social life is still cocooned in her mind.
The first natural reason that hit my head straight off is the pressure of moral characterization in the Indian context.
Women have also suffered a history of having their sexuality shamed and suppressed by society. Therefore, many of them have come to feel an inverse relationship between sex and their need for esteem.
Other reasons could then well be other things like, a mental block, perhaps a bad experience, lack of self worth or confidence. In that case please seek help of trustworthy friends, medical professionals or counselors.
And finally why this concerns me so much is that I see women I know in this position to be closed in their minds.
Hey, don’t hate me when I say this!
The reason why I say closed is because physical intimacy makes the mind more receptive.
It makes the mind open to newer experiences of life, brings maturity mentally, builds confidence and one becomes more adaptive to one’s partner’s preferences. It just puts one a step ahead in relationships and I don’t see that in those women.
Whether you choose to do this with a single partner or multiple partners is up to your judgement and decision, but as a friend to you I would tell you - open up a bit, get out there and make your space.
- Image credit: Lehigh Valley Vanguard