“I’m not sure. What does it feel like?

I just asked my cousin if she orgasmed enough with the guy she’d been dating for over three years now.

We’d covered a whole gamut of conversation – in between piles of French fries dressed in ranch dressing, and we’d established the fact that the duo were, in fact, happy.

Sex, she informed me, happened on a steady level, “probably once a week”, but she wasn’t sure if she ever had an orgasm.

“I think I have,” she finally replied, after a series of staccato pauses, “But I wouldn’t know unless I spoke to other women who were more certain.” Turns out, not a lot of us are.

If you took sex advice from TV, movies or our own miss. Leone then you’d assume that orgasms went hand-in-hand with having sex, right? Especially if the sex scene in The Notebook (hello multiple orgasms) is anything to go by.

But in real life, having an orgasm can be hard, verging on distressing. Some women hardly ever orgasm and others? They’ve never even experienced the “Big O”.

A lot of women fall into this trap of believing that it is the man’s responsibility to bring home the orgasm.

So when their partner is doing his various moves and nothing is happening for a woman down below, she immediately becomes anxious and starts to assign the blame to herself and her sexual response.

The most destructive thing that men are being taught about women is that the vagina is just a sexual organ, and that sex for women is a sexual act in the same way it is for men.

Having an orgasm shouldn’t be like solving a difficult math problem but for a lot of women, it really can seem like that.

Because of all of the unnecessary and damaging “mystery” surrounding female sexual desire, performance anxiety for women is not often discussed because we don’t really know how to discuss it.

An orgasm doesn’t need to be the goal.

Yes, they’re great, but they are not necessary every single time you have sex. Often times if you chase an orgasm you end up chasing it away.

Performance anxiety is a bitch.

Sex should be about giving each other’s body, the respect and love that it desires. Ohh well whom am I kidding, it should be bloody passionate, sweaty and wild. BUT should not be another reason to stress about!

It is important to speak up during sex if you don’t like it.

And guys for your unreasonable query like – BC why do girls like to talk while doing sex? The answer lies in the fact that you obviously haven’t done PhD in Kamasutra and thus you need to be guided throughout.

You might have seen lot of porn or did lot of sex yet each women likes it in her own way.

Ever wondered why Monika said that she had the best sex with Chandler?

Well, because if you remember Monika did explain Chandler about the 7 erogenous zones and how to go for it. *Epic scene where Monika is shouting 7..7..7..7!!( FYI- folks do try Monika’s little theory, it works!)*

Till the time you do not explore your body, you’ll never know how amazing you are. Hence, knowing your pleasure points or in other words, masturbation is important. It does not only help you relax but also gives you a better understanding of your sensations.

Remember, it is not an exam: Do not rate your sexual experience, while you are having it or afterwards.

Sex is just like dancing. If you see couple dancing the tango and they are thinking about their steps, it is an awful dance to watch.

But when you see a couple dancing the tango and they feel the music, it is a beautiful dance to watch; they just flow. It is this flow that is needed in the bedroom.

Setting your flow on can be decidedly difficult affair when your partner is staring at you wide- eyed, willing you to climax.

So rather than working on orgasming to please your partner, the best solution is learning to first do it alone, in a relaxed environment where you’re not under any constraints.

Auntie’s advice to all the ladies : get a good vibrator, start masturbating and touch your body all over to discover what you like and dislike because apna hath Jagannath!

P.S - Orgasm in Hindi is called – charam-sukh. Don’t believe me? Go buy tickets for Veerey di Wedding!

 

— Image credit: www.oddnaari.in